You know what sucks? It’s when you thought you won’t easily give in, you won’t easily fall but then even when you’re confident, you slip. Like you never saw that neon yellow banana peel on the floor. Before you know it, you’re checking your phone every half hour. You’re stalking every hour. You’re hitting yourself in your head every minute. And still you can’t get it out of your head. And still you’re in the same black hole. Waiting. Regretting. Stuck.
You tell yourself. Weren’t you not hoping? Not expecting? And then a small part of yourself hopes and a bigger chunk of your heart and mind knows there’s not going to be any miracle for this.
So you wait till the darkness subsides. Which will take some time… again.